If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
