I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
