ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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