What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
