Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
