Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
