Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
