Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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