I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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