Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
