I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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