we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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