So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he's gonorrhea incarnate
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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