it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
