remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
