she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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