I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
