I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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