Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
