Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
