Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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