I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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