Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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