saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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