the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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