Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
