I wish I could punch you in the face.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
