the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How external is "for external use only"?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
