In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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