you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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