Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
