is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
