Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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