That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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