we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
