I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
