piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
