we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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