I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
