I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
