have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
