I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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