is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.