I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
