Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
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