Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
