It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
