Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
