Even the bartender felt bad for me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
