Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
