in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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