But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
