Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
