I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
