The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
