I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
