I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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