we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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