Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
