One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
