...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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