What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
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Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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