You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
