they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it's great music for shaving your balls
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
