youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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