if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
