I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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