I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
