Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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