Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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