we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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