Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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