I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
