I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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