I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
