i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
