I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
fuck your aforementioned shoe
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
