i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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