My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
