respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
