I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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